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Bologna as we live and love it.

La Dotta (the learned one), la Grassa (the fat one), la Rossa (the leftie)… Bologna’s myriad nicknames already suggest it’s not the kind of place with a one-note vibe.

Home to Italy’s oldest university, birthing many a culinary classic, still in the hands of the heirs of Italy’s Resistance – Bologna exists to stuff your imagination senseless. It’s a lot of city for a small town. And yet, it’s more about what it’s not than about what it is.

Don’t rush it. Settle in, breathe a little. Walk around, make a new friend. Sit and eat more than you can chew. Pour another glass, slur your buonaseras. You’ll love it.

But if you’re fastidious about stress-testing your holiday itinerary against TripAdvisor… well, don’t. Are you searching for the best pizza in Italy? Naples is quite a lot further south. Pasta with clams? The Adriatic Sea is a bit further east. Fiorentina? That’s at the next station on the fast train. Shedding Italian-postcard expectations is how Fran and I did it. And Bologna thanked us with the kind of gratification that almost leaves you needing a shower. Our best recommendation for this city is to explore it through your own eyes and discover what it means to you. That said, here’s a shortlist of the spots that spurred cupid’s arrow into our hearts for this obese, perspicacious and slightly commie love affair.

Inner city restaurants (typically fancier)

Trattoria Da Me - €€€

If you’re lucky enough to find a table on Sunday, here’s where you’ll come to terms you’ve never actually had lasagne before. Any other day, go for the Cotoletta alla Bolognese. Fresh truffle on that? Well, we only live twice.

Da Nello - €€€

Classic Lucio Dalla hang-out for when he might have been in the mood for some good tortellini con friggione. Wash that down with some of the no-no juice that inhabits their ridiculous cellar.

Cesarina - €€€

Beef lover? Congratulations.

Giampi e Ciccio - €€

Trattoria vibes. That Friggione Campagnolo’s got your name on it. Never mind the June sweats. The chicken is nothing to write home about. We don’t know why.

Salumeria Simoni - €

Here’s where to go for Mortazza, Coppa di testa, Squacquerone and other cured and fermented goodness gracious that will help you lose count on the fourth (or was it the fifth?) bottle.

Osterie outside the city walls

(no frills and well worth the bus ride)

Da Vito (our top choice, really) - €

Here’s where Bologna’s most venerated artistes hang: Guccini, Morandi, Carboni… hell, you might even catch Cristina d’Avena digging into a tagliatelle with ragù while humming to ‘Candy Candy’. Vasco? He’s just walked out of the loo singing: “Sembra talco ma non è…” Don’t expect cuddles here. It’s as raw as it gets. The food is to die for, the cost - borderline negligible. Hold on to your cutlery in between courses and never (for the love of God) ask for a fresh glass for the water.

Le Golosità di Nonna Aurora - €

Trusted by locals, the kind of place everyone goes to in comitiva after an Occupy action. Here’s where to eat Passatelli that are sure to make you experience an awakening of sorts. You’re welcome.

Sweets and coffee

Paolo Atti - €€

Paolo himself, from humble beginnings, lived in the Garibaldi era and built his own bakery kingdom. As it happens, his son Armando squandered it all. To protect what was left of the business, the family decreed the confectionery is only passed down to the women in the family, now in their umpteenth thriving generation. Here’s where to get your take-home raw tortellini. Here’s where to get a rice pudding to eat out on Piazza Maggiore. Here’s where you start snooping into the shop windows of nearby real estate agencies.

Gamberini - €€

Lunch was massive. All you can think about is dragging yourself to a nice place and sit down for a coffee and a double Fernet Branca. At Gamberini, you won’t be able to help ordering little cakes and candied fruits while you do just that. Another historic classic.

Gran Bar - €

Lucio Dalla’s daily hangout for morning cappuccino, croissant, flute of champagne or all of the above. It’s the kind of place where there are no strangers, just friends you’ve never met. You’ll find a seating area outside, but that’s for tourists. Do it at half price by the bar, standing. Note, this place is currently undergoing refurbishment work. We hope they’ll be finished by the time you’re there. We also hope they won’t mess with its old soul.

Grand Hotel Majestic gia’ Baglioni - €€€€

You’re allowed to sniff the seats here. Chances are your hero – be that the Pope or Madonna - has sat there before you. A couple of teas will set you back €25, but hey.

General must-dos/sees

Visit the house of Lucio Dalla. Even if you’re not a fan or have never heard of him. Especially if so. That’s unless you’re not one to enjoy stepping into eye of the mind of one of the most psychedelically eclectic creatives of the 20th century. You’ve got to book early though. Tour days are awkward and often full. Oh, and be or take a bilingual with you.
Bologna is a student town. And where there’s a student town, there’s a party. Check out the bit around the main campus and the Ghetto Ebraico for anything from a quiet pub to a rowdy wine bar to an “Oh, my God how did I end up here? Did I miss the wedding?”
Correction. Bologna has always been a student town. Check out Palazzo dell’Archiginnasio, Bologna’s former medical school opened in 1562. [long-ass sentence alert, 3… 2… 1…] This is where you’ll be teleported into a Tim Burton movie to sit on the very same wooden bench where Mary-Shelley-era medical students sat observing stolen cadavers to get a clear picture on the digestive dangers of frigelle, and then not even care.
Ah, we might be joining Lisa at Ruth Orkin’s retrospective at Palazzo Pallavicini. You in?
Not your jam? Then shuffle on and get a glimpse of (or a movie ticket, even) Cinema Modernissimo: a historic Piazza Maggiore landmark that’s been recently exhumed by Martin Scorsese as an underground cinema cum architectural wonder.
Shopping. Yes, shopping. Stop sneering, we love shopping. Are you in the mood to max out your credit card? Galleria Cavour is your answer. But then you might want to take a more sensible approach and window shop around before maxing out your credit card anyway at Via Indipendenza. Once you’re sure to have maxed it out to the bone, head to Humana Vintage for some awesome finds at dirt-cheap prices.